Cigarettes Are One Hell of a Drug

I’m trying to quit smoking or at least cut down the amount I smoke so I haven’t bought a pack of cigarettes in several days. Not buying packs is the best way to stop smoking because when you get the urge to smoke you either a) have to deal with it or b) act like a totally mooch and scrub one off your co-workers. I’ve already exhausted one resource today. Then I approached a couple other people who have bummed smokes from me in the past, but they were both out and trying to quit (buying packs) as well. So to distract my jaw from grinding my teeth into a fine powder I Google image searched “quit smoking” and this was the first image listed:

I’ve never wanted a cigarette and to beat someone senseless more in my entire life.

Cigarettes, Quitting, and You

It’s hard to quit smoking, even with all the warnings that it will kill you. What keeps people from quitting? Here are the main reasons:
1) Just don’t give a shit
2) Think you’ll beat cancer
3) I’ll do it tomorrow
4) “I like it”
5) Haven’t smoked for that long
6) Addicted
Did I miss any?

Hey, It's A Fresh Kneecapped Post And Diet Update! Rejoice!

Sorry for the lack of posting and I won’t belittle you with lame excuses like complaining about “working too much” or some dumb shit. I haven’t posted, period. I feel lousy about and I’m sorry.

A few weeks ago I said I was going on a diet: no beer for one month, working out four times a week, and no more cigarettes ever. I also said I would post my progress on this here site. Well, it didn’t work out how I planned. Not only have I not been posting every Friday, but my “diet” failed miserably.

The beer fast lasted, oh, three hours. I went out the night of that post, suckling down those Modelos in the process. The next weekend, I went to the Beer on the Pier which as you may have already guessed consisted of drinking lots and lots of beer. I came to the realization that I can’t get beer out of my life, nor do I want to. Are these the rationalizations of a burgeoning alcoholic? Probably.

The working out didn’t materialize like I’d hoped either. I’ve done yoga twice in the last three weeks, which averages out to .67 times per week, a hair below my goal of 4 times per week. My walk to the subway is a mile long so I do walk 2 miles a day for my commute. Does this sound like the rationalizing of a burgeoning lazy piece of shit? Probably.

And to complete the failure, I've had the occasional cigarette in this time period as well. The smoking I'll quit by purchasing some Nicorette this weekend. It’s the goal I’d like to accomplish most of all. Does this sound like the rationalizations of someone fooling themselves? Probably.

In summation my current condition can still be summarized by this video.

A Personal Prohibition

Last night was a “thank god I still have my wallet, cell phone, and bag” kind of night. Bruises cover my body from some late night fisticuffs with my friend outside the Winter Garden, but that’s what happens after you see Jackass. I passed out awkwardly on the couch after eating a leftover fish sandwich from Maggie Browns while trying in vain to focus on Wedding Crashers which was playing on the television. When I woke, the fish sandwich, content with its brief four hour stay in my stomach, resurfaced, this time accompanied with beer and stomach acid. So that’s why I had the quick youtube post earlier. But I’m feeling mildly better now and have a new mission.

I’m going into training (stop laughing.) Exercise at least 4 times per week. No beer for one month. No more cigarettes, ever. I will chart my progress in this space. All of my successes, relapses, and boredom will be documented here. The hardest part will be the beer, followed closely by exercise, and then smoking. I enjoy the occasional beer and there’s really no way I’ll make it the whole month, but I’ll try. Although, I have five cold Modelos waiting for me when I get home, and who is supposed to drink those? Every Friday for the next 4 weeks I’ll post my progress, or more likely, lack there of, for your reading pleasure. Wish me luck

Here's a before video, and in 4 weeks you'll get the after.