Kneecapped, Now With Gossip!

After much drunken Super Bowl discussion I’ve decided to slowly transform Kneecapped into a gossip blog. The enormous success of gossip blogs such as Perez Hilton, Jossip, TMZ, Pink is the New Blog, and others has had an enormous impact on Hollywood, the blogosphere, and life in general. I think we can all honestly say that we're a little dumber and a little shallower because of these tremendous expressions of free speech. For this I’d like to utter a humble “thank you” to these blogs for taking my mind away from the war and towards Lindsay Lohan’s vadge.

In addition, gossip blogs make a fuck-load of money supplying vital information that can only be obtained in, roughly, 500,000 different locations. Plus, the authors achieve a level of fame worthy of appearances on E!, or if they’re lucky a regular gig on that bastion of the privileged lifestyle, LX.TV. So today, I want to announce that Kneecapped is going gay...er...gossip. To help differentiate between my regular posts and my gossip posts during this period of adjustment I will use the “royal we" when addressing ourselves in a gossip post.

Here’s our first post, and boy are we excited:

To start things off we've got a tasty little nugget on the former Mrs. Cosby, Phylicia Rashad. It turns out she used to be married to Victor Willis, the lead singer of the Village People! Not only that, but after their divorce, Mr. Willis was arrested for robbery and cocaine possession! A rip-roarious and scandalous scandal of debauchery and lost love that can only be found here and on his IMDB profile! That site has all the dirt! Phylicia was also married to former NFL star and NBA ass-kisser, Ahmad Rashad! Girl gets around if ya know what we sayin'! It's all really fascinating and will be just about the most important thing you read today, no, this week! More to come when we post again soon, and if I were Debbie Allen , which we might be, I’d be shitting my pants, which we are!

You Can’t Spell Laxative Without “L – X”

It's been a little while since Freud Communications visited my site so I thought it time for another Code.TV/LX.TV post. The video below follows in the "Models and Bottles" tradition of the now infamous A.J. video and is titled "Beautiful Babies". It's now clear that Code.TV and Freud don't care about bad publicity or embarrassing videos. They're embracing their shallowness and nurturing the unintentional comedy goldmine that is "putting a camera on a nightlife fixture and letting the duchetricity shock and awe you." Now, without further ado, a club owner who's about as smooth as a five year-old skateboarding down a gravel road.

A Pretentious Website By Any Other Name Is Still A Pretentious Website

Freud Communications, the public relations firm that handles entertainment and media brands such as Elle Magazine, A & E Television, and Sony Pictures has been checking out my blog. With the raging success of Kneecapped I’ve been seeking representation, and Freud certainly fits the high profile I deserve and require. Plus they’re fans, yesterday they visited my site for 12 minutes. Well I thought they were fans until I found out whom else they work for.

Freud represents a certain "Privileged Lifestyle" internet channel, the former Code.TV, who changed its name last week partly because of me, although it probably had a lot more to do with the outcry of blogs that are read by more than 7 people per day. The point is, Freud is searching the blogosphere for negative feedback on LX.TV, the new name for Code.

LX is “Life/Style Television” because, well, we need more lifestyle information, what with only dozens of channels and magazines covering lifestyle it’s a wonder that people can even dress themselves in the morning. So here's your chance if you want to be read by a public relations giant, say something bad about LX.TV. For example, LX.TV is like Current TV if Current TV had been founded by a character in a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Shallow doesn't begin to describe it.

You Can't Spell Douche Without C-O-D-E

Code TV, the “must visit site” of posers, wannabe socialites, and lifestylephiles from coast to coast, hits us with yet another advertisement/review featuring your favorite slow-motion-winking correspondent Pedro Andrade. This time, Pedro visits Bordello, another lounge o’ douche that will probably close in less than a year. Highlights include Pedro’s tip for walking “beautiful” girls into a club, a bobble headed owner who, surprise, doesn’t button his shirt, and a woman screeching like an owl at the sheer sight of Pedro and the prestigious Code.TV crew. Plenty of awkward pauses, bad dancing, posturing, and of course winking, below.

Code.TV Must Be Stopped Or At Least Humiliated As Much As Possible

Not to steal Gawker’s coverage of Pedro Andrade, but I found another Pedro restaurant/bar/club review. Check out his face when, after ordering the Strawberry Grey Martini, he finds out the drink contains not Grey Goose, but gin, the drink of peasants and the inherently un-hip. The “Grey” stands for “Earl Grey” which makes his drink, “taste like the mountains.” But he’s really disappointed, you can tell. He also winks in slo-mo at the camera about 57 times. Enjoy.