The World's Most Exciting Store

Below is a photograph of the most exciting store I have ever seen:

Watch out ESPN Zone and move over The Discovery Channel store because the CNBC magazine shop is in the hizz-ouse, raising the bar for basic-cable-sponsored retail stores everywhere. As soon as you set foot inside its three walls visions of Suze Orman and stock tickers dance in your head. Does it look or feel much different than, say, Hudson News? No, the CNBC store is your typical airport magazine store filled with gossip rags, Robert B. Parker novels, and Trident. The only difference is that it resides under the hallowed Peacock of the NBC family of channels. And you have to respect the peacock.

I’ve seen CNN stores in the Atlanta airport, but these stores make too much sense for me. They actually sell CNN merchandise, not to mention the close ties CNN has with Atlanta. It’s a natural fit. The CNBC store on the other hand is totally random and offers no merchandise. Basically the store consists of a few NBC signs and a magazine rack. Perfect and shameless.

It’s not all cupcakes and puppy dogs, however, as rumors are leaking out of Washington D.C.’s Ronald Regan International Airport. Supposedly next week they’re unveiling a brand new, contain yourself, C-SPAN store. This will be an epic battle to be sure. So, stay sharp CNBC, keep an eye on your rearview, and make CNBC the best damn cable news sponsored newspaper rack in the airport.

UPDATE: A Kneecapped First Photo Exclusive!

Here's the first photograph of the new C-SPAN store in Washington D.C. and it is causing quite a stir.

The G Train Makes Me Feel Special

Last night, while sprinting down the Bergen St. subway platform to catch the little G train that stops in the middle of the platform, far away from the entrances, my wife made a funny comparison. The G train is like the short bus.

I have to agree. The G is smaller than normal trains, it doesn’t go into Manhattan (mainstream school?), and acts as an auxiliary train service.

The short bus stops in many different and spread out school districts, picking up students and bringing them to a central (special?) school. The G train rides through Brooklyn and Queens wrangling up hipsters to bring to Williamsburg or yuppies to drop off in Cobble Hill.

The G is also an object of scorn and mockery. When people hear you live on the G train their eyes become glassy. Their expression grows into one of confusion and pity.

So here’s to you G train, don’t let anyone tell you you’re different.

A Fricken Napsack Indeed

Do rolling suitcases bother you as much as they bother me? People just don't know how to steer those fuckers and whenever I'm near a person strolling one I fear my legs are going to be taken out from under me after a sharp turn made by the oblivious pedestrian. They make me uneasy and that pisses me off.

Well, there's something worse than rolling suitcases, rolling backpacks. Suitcases are heavy and I understand the need for wheels, but backpacks? Give me a friggin’ break. That's why this morning I smiled while walking to work towards Penn Station when a man huffed, puffed, and stormed around a woman with a rolling backpack and yelled at her, "it's a fricken napsack!" and stormed off.

I love the smell of anger in the morning, especially warranted anger. Here's an idea, those straps on your backpack, put your weak and atrophied arms through them and rest the straps on your scrawny shoulders and, gasp, carry your backpack.

World To End In 8 - 9 Months

It’s not rare to have religious nuts preach to you on the subway, but the man who was harassing us on the bus this morning was a different kind of creature. He had the look of an ex-con who learned his warped evangelicalism in Sing Sing, and his nervous tick said, “I’ll stab everybody in here.”

After sarcastically greeting a Hasidic man with a booming, “Shalom!” he then began his anti-Semitic sermon to his captive parish. He claimed the temple of Israel divided when they didn’t embrace their true ruler, directly asking the Hasidic man if he knew this. This question was met with the man and several others moving away.

He slurred that in his studies he found that humans have been worshipping “female ‘dentities’ like Isis” for centuries and that the anti-Christ would also be a woman. If you want to take bets whether or not he’s right you’re in luck because apparently the anti-Christ has already been conceived by the world, and during the next eight to nine months of the gestation period bad things will happen. If you can find the time to repent during that time frame, Crazy-Ex-Con-Preacher Man suggests you do so.

And with news this morning of Kate Moss being impregnated by Pete Doherty maybe it is time to sneak a few Hail Mary’s into your routine. Don’t say I never did anything for you.

Kneecapped Question of the Week

This week's "Kneecapped Question of the Week" comes via this article on ESPN.com


Supply answers to kneecapped@gmail.com.

Horray for Boobies

Well, I just checked my email and it was almost full with people demanding a Monday post. Considering it’s a Gmail account with over 2700 MB of space it goes without saying, yet is flattering to point out, that the outcry is overwhelming. So without further ado here’s a lackluster Monday blog. If you don’t watch videoblogs, which is probably about 99% of you then please hold off until Tuesday. You can do it. I believe in you.

Have you seen this video blog, The 9, with a more polished Amanda Congdon clone? I think the planning for this video blog went something like this.

Unimaginative lackey #1: “That there Rocketboom seems to be doing well”

Unimaginative lackey #2: “Yeah, how did they manage that? We’re Yahoo! God damn it! Surely we can do better, but how?

Unimaginative lackey #1: “Well we can dumb it down with gossip, stay out of the political realm, works for Gawker.”

Unimaginative lackey #2: “But the boobs, we gotta keep the boobs”

Unimaginative lackey #1: “Boobs are key.”

Unimaginative lackey #2: “So we’ll keep the hot chick showing off the rack and use her to point to funny video and scoops, usually a day later than everyone else.”

Unimaginative lackey #1: “That’s great, but make sure to hype all things Yahoo! Flickr, Yahoo! News, Yahoo! Video.”

Unimaginative lackey #2: Yahoo! Video is so much better than youtube.”

Unimaginative lackey #1: “Video blogs are neat”

Unimaginative lackey #2: “I love you.”

And scene.

There you have it. That was an honest to goodness blog, with opinions about the happenings on the World Wide Web, not just ramblings of my life. I felt that this was important to share with you despite the fact that I lose serious “cool points” for a) admitting I watch video blogs, b) having opinions about video blogs, and c) using the phrase “cool points”. But what do you expect out of a Monday post the day after the Patriots were humiliated on a nationally televised night game?

Tomorrow a review on the Flaming Lips show.