The Demise of Kneecapped.

Kneecapped has been on a steady decline the past few months. Most of it is my fault. I was slowing things down and was pretty much on a part time schedule. Then I had my biggest night ever right after the State of the Union Address and I got sucked back into it. Kneecapped is a seductive mistress, she is. This past week, however, has taken a toll on this here site.

First off, I’m going to bitch about Technorati for a minute. Technorati doesn’t credit all of all my links. Geoff has linked to me a bunch of times, but Technorati has not picked up on this and other links as well. I linked to The Bestest Blog of All Time with a promise of getting a link in return. It was a weak moment I know, but I’m a link whore, okay. Sue me. The punishment for my vanity? Technorati has not credited this link either.

Second, Technorati took away three of my links. So what if they were links from porn directories attracted to my blog because of my extensive writings on tapirs and the weirdoes who search for sex photos of the beast? They shouldn’t have taken my links away especially since they don’t credit me for the legitimate sites that link here.

The downfall of Kneecapped doesn’t stop there. What happened next? Well, TrailerSpy, a site I linked to in its infancy because my wife knew the girl who was starting it up, dropped me from their blogroll. They had returned the favor to me adding me to their “Friends of TrailerSpy” list, but I went back on their site and my link is gone. True, my site only gets 20 hits per day and I’m routinely ignored throughout the blogosphere, but does that give you the right to throw me away like so many “Employee of the Month” DVDs? Getting axed from their site, though probably warranted, stings like a bitch.

Lastly, my Google page rank was just downgraded from a “3” to a”2”. If you’re familiar with page rank you know the difference between ranks is infinite. Or in other words, my blog is infinitely less relevant than it was two days ago. Infinitely! In two days!

These are not promising signs for Kneecapped and a wiser man would pack up the mailbag, bid “adieu”, and maybe write for another blog. But what of this other blog you ask? Well, its tied up in legal, but it should be up and running in about 5 - 6 months.

During times like these I like to think back to the immortal words of my man Big Daddy Kane:

“Anything goes when it comes to prose, cuz blogging ain’t easy.” *



*With word play like that it’s a wonder this blog hasn’t taken off. Or is it a wonder that I’m married? Either/or.

Kneecapped Down! Kneecapped Down!

Dear Readers,

You’ve probably heard the expression “all good things must come to an end,” but did you know that this phrase applies to mediocre things as well? If you’ve been reading my blog, and judging by my Sitemeter you haven’t, but if you had been reading you would notice that I haven’t been posting much of late. Sadly, I think you’ll have to expect more inactivity on this space for some time to come.

Why haven’t I been posting? Lack of inspiration, job kicking my ass, and the fact that I’m working on a new website are the main factors. I’ll link to my new site when it’s up and ready, but in the interim I think I can only guarantee you one post per week maximum. I’m sorry, and I know it won’t be easy for you. You don’t just stop reading Kneecapped so I’ll do my best to wean you off.

So, to Geoff, Jonah, Ion, Adam, and Jodi thanks for supporting Kneecapped it was a great run.

Thanks to the legitimate blogs Rum & Popcorn, AwfulAnnouncing and Gowanus Lounge for linking to me.

I’m hesitant to call this a “Good Bye.” I hate the permanence of good byes because they just seem so permanent. Let’s instead call it a “Good Riddance.”

Thanks again for reading.

Best,

Rick

Hoop

Geoff are you ever going to update your blog?

My Success Got The Best of Me

It was the week of 11/26 and Kneecapped was averaging 24 visits per day and climbing. I had cornered the market on Jessica Simpson Direct TV and animal sex searches. My blog was linked to two porn sites because of my riveting tapir post. Kneecapped was about to blow up and take over the blogsphere. Needless to say, I was on top of the world. So what do I do? I don’t post for five days and ruin everything. Site visits plummeted from 24 to 21 per day, and you know what? I deserve it.

I abandoned you, my audience, my fans, my loyal servants. They say “leave people wanting more” but I‘ve traveled way beyond that. You my readers, began by simply wanting more, but soon, around Monday night or so, you began needing more. This of course led to that depression you felt around Tuesday afternoon which quickly morphed into the anger that enveloped you late Tuesday night. There was no sign that Kneecapped would ever be updated again and you wanted to hit something or someone. I’m writing here to apologize for putting you through that emotional rollercoaster.

So, Geoff, Ion, Jonah, Irene, Jodi, Tapir Sex Search Guy, and the tens of people around the country who stumble upon my blog every single day, I’m sorry. Please for give me, and keep coming back because things around here can only get better.

Autumn, Writer's Block, Giraffes, and You

The crisp, fall air has filled me with so much joy I haven’t been able to muster any ill-tempered, blog filling pages for your (Geoff’s) reading enjoyment, and for that, I apologize.

When the air is cool and clean, the dog shit frosting the sidewalk along my path to the subway becomes a fun obstacle to skip, hop and dodge. Not a disgusting, rage inducing display of human laziness.

When the leaves start to turn and a sweatshirt becomes mandatory for walking outside, the people who stand unmoving in the subway doors cease to become the loathsome scum they clearly are on warmer days.

But fear not gentle readers, for the winds are blowing from the north, and with it an air so cold and bitter it turns your soul into ice, creating the perfect remedy for my autumnal writers block.

Here’s a video of a giraffe running:

Kneecapped Now Easier on the Eyes

You may have noticed the new color scheme here at Kneecapped. The dark background and light type was really bothering my eyes so I've made the template easier on the corneas, while still maintaining its cutting edge design. The new taupe*(tope) background offers a soothing alternative to the previous navy blue, and notice how it matches the shin bones above. All told, I'm totally pleased with myself.

*The correct spelling, thanks to my know-it-all reader, Geoff.

Is It Too Late To Make Blogorrhea?

Just kidding, I'm not going to suck Gawker's cawker. Frankly, having that many people read this blog is intimidating. I've gone 28 years without being exposed as the fraud I am and I'd like to milk it for a few more. My MySpace was fuct up and I lost my friends, all 6 of them (including Tom and myself.) So I'll invite you guys back and I apologize for having to add me second time. I wanted to post for my one fan that sitemeter tells me is from Wayland - Geoff, thanks for reading. And since I'm posting so late in the day I'm going the youtube route. Here are some 80's commercials that you've probably already seen, now neatly packaged for your viewing pleasure:

Check the v/o on this baby


I really wanted to be this kid when I was younger