Somewhere George Gaynes Nods His Head in Approval – Kneecapped’s State of the Union Analysis

As a huge fan of “The Unit” I was as disappointed as anyone that the State of the Union Address was airing last night at 9:00 P.M. Not only was I not able to witness the continued decline of William H. Macy’s career (has he turned down a role since Fargo?), but I had to sit through a political speech. And yes, I was a political science major, but only for the chicks.

All kidding aside (except the part about me loving The Unit) I quite enjoy the State of the Union Address. The pomp and tradition, the giddy look on a new Representative’s face when they’re about to shake hands with the President, and the fact that elected officials ask the President for his autograph always brings a smile to my face. This year, however, something else caught my attention.

What caught my attention was Bush’s section on the military. I believe the quote was, “blah, blah, blah, troop levels. Blah, blah, blah recruit more troops. Blah, blah, blah we’re all in danger all the time. Blah, blah, blah civilian reserve corps.” To be honest I wasn't really paying attention until the last line. A Civilian Reserve Corps.

Here’s the real quote:

“A second task we can take on together is to design and establish a volunteer Civilian Reserve Corps. Such a corps would function much like our military reserve. It would ease the burden on the Armed Forces by allowing us to hire civilians with critical skills to serve on missions abroad when America needs them. And it would give people across America who do not wear the uniform a chance to serve in the defining struggle of our time.”

Now, being a child of the HBO era I have a mind that’s been ruined by routine viewing and re-viewing of shit movies. I was also a Political Science major as mentioned before. On top of this I went to UMASS, I write a blog, and I have consumed entirely too much beer in the last 12 years or so. The end result of this potion of underachievement and slackerdom is the fact that my brain functions on a pretty low level, so this is what I was reminded of when President Bush mentioned a Civilian Reserve Corps:

That’s right; I was reminded of Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol. For those with more refined cinematic tastes, Police Academy 4 was the one where Commandant Lassard launches his plan to fight crime: C.O.P, Citizens on Patrol, a police squad made up of regular Joe's. The police recruit a rag-tag team including a huge fat guy, Bobcat Goldthwait, and a trigger happy grandma, comedy gold to be sure. My sides are splitting just thinking about it.

You wouldn’t think a grown man would admit this to World Wide Web, but given the eerie similarities between George W. Bush and Commandant Eric Lassard both in appearance and their “clumsy-idiot-who-somehow-wields-great-power” personas, maybe I’m not giving myself enough credit.

Cheney Just a Regular Goofy Guy

On a recent (November 3rd) Neil Cavuto "Deep Thought" or "Daily Affirmation" or some commentary bullshit that he does, Neil talks about the soft side of Vice President, patriot, and hero, yes hero, Dick Cheney. Cavuto compares him to everyone's favorite decathlete and Disney funny man, Goofy.

The video isn't on the Youtube (and I'm linking Youtube because it hasn't gotten the publicity it deserves) so you have to find it on the Fox News site. When there, click on the latest Neil Cavuto video, and then look for the November 3rd post.

If you don't want to watch the video because, say, you're afraid of Neil Cavuto's giant head, then you can read the transcript here, but you should really check out the video to get the full effect of his kissassery.

Note 1: I found the transcript webpage and additional commentary at News Hounds.

Note 2: Check the sweet-ass photo doctoring. You'd be surprised if I told you, and I don't want to brag, but I'm a total novice at Photoshop, so it appears that I'm a natural. In fact, I didn't even do this in Photoshop. Nope, that beautiful (and clever) masterwork was achieved in Microsoft Picture It!

Hummers For All!

I’ve seen the Hummer commercial below on TV for a while now, but only really paid attention to it yesterday, because, well, fuck commercials. Although the ad's message of, “we’re all doomed so why not just buy what makes you happy?” is a little misguided, the clever nod to the gas guzzling SUV’s role in global warming issues is funny. The way the ad plays to the fatalistic Evangelical mindset of Armageddon is a master stroke. Most importantly, I respect Hummer’s honesty, even though their autos are a prime example of American hubris, at least they’re not pretending to be something their not.

Bill O'Reilly Wrong, Earth Still Spins

Actually Bill, you're wrong. We liked our choices just fine, just not the ones you did. Nice ploy to try and keep people home though. You sure are a crafty bastard, I'll give you that.

Something to Tide You Over

This Week in Bread & Circus

I saw this on Gawker via Rising Hegemon. The War in Afghanistan, is that thing still going on? Apparently, bad news on the War on Terror only sells in foreign markets.




Time counters with this:


This photo makes me feel icky and it dampers my urge to spend money.

Doubting Blogger

I recently got a Sitemeter because I read about it here, then here (I'm a cheap linking whore). At first, I was anxious, people could see how often I checked their blogs!? It was like when Friendster first allowed you to see who visited your page. The nervous tension that washed over me the day I found out was horrible because I didn't realize for a week or more. Who did I visit, ex-girl friends, enemies, random fuckers from high school? This is why I like the MySpace, you can stalk like the web intended, anonymously. But Sitemeter is quite fascinating, and I can't imagine how fun it must be examine the stats of a site that actually gets traffic.

I don't write a lot of political stuff on here (more like I shouldn't write anything political because I'm an idiot), but it seems every time I do my blog is viewed by someone in a RED state. RED Staters intimidate me because they're so confident in their values. Pro-life, pro-death penalty, anti-stem cell research, pro-war. Their logic is sound, mine is iffy at best. When they visit, they stay for about 3 minutes or so, enough time to skim my latest lefty rantings. When they leave it's usually after viewing my profile, probably to look to see if I have a bleeding heart in my photo, or perhaps a vagina. At this point I'm embarrassed. Here I am, a big city East Coaster fulfilling the stereotype of the lefty, blogging, whiney-little-bitch. Worse, no one reads my blog so I'm just crying into my pillow, alone. Pathetic. Maybe I'm not strong enough to blog after all, but it's probably all in my head. Sometimes too much information is a bad thing.

Does the "E" Stand for Exploitive?

Here’s a special “thank you” to the sports reporters of ESPN.com for finally giving me perspective on 9/11. Gene Wojociechowski tells me that sports shouldn’t matter on 9/11. Thanks, Gene. This is a conclusion that I never would have reached on my own. I, like many of the ESPN generation, take sports much, much too seriously. And I know how ESPN just hates that, taking sports seriously that is. I spend most days pushing old women into traffic to get to the sports bar a little bit faster. I’ve been known to punch strangers in the gut who wear clothing of a team I despise. I start the wave in church. But Gene your words have taught me that there is more to life than sports. Thank you for freeing my mind and my soul.

To Bob Harig and his heroic story of 9/11’s everlasting impact on the sport of golf, thank you sir. The story of a golf event cancelled after 9/11, golfers stranded in their private planes, circling, looking for somewhere to land, brings my own memories flooding back. Your coverage of, gasp, increased security at golf events causes me to think that possibly the terrorists have won at least a small victory. Golf has always been a sport of the people, white, black, rich, poor, men and women treated fairly and equally, it’s a shame that this increased security takes away from the intimate fan experience.

It’s good to see in the days surrounding the 9/11 anniversary that every media outlet is got into the act. Each channel caring more. Each channel remembering more. Each channel doing more. Each channel fighting to be the authority on 9/11. Everyone attempting to be the most pious and one-upping each other until the day ceases to have meaning. Thank god for the media, because if it weren’t for you I probably would have been roaming the streets for crack on 9/11. I simply would have forgotten about it.

And ESPN, you saw this happening and you said to yourself “we’re not news, we’re sports, but we can out-care, out-pious, out-do anyone better than anyone. Why not spin the sports/September 11 angle. Let’s own it.” And you do own it. With years of experience exploiting your audience you do it with a style and a grace like no other and I thank you for it. No more full body paint for me, no more swearing at Little League games, no more clothes-lining elementary school students in Yankees gear, for now I, after five years, finally have perspective.

Taking a Stroll Through The Liberal Media

With our liberal media running amok it’s amazing that gays aren’t running around all married, without access to hand guns, and paying taxes that support schools and infrastructure. So let's take a stroll through (big echoing voice) The Liberal Media.




Rush’s lefty rhetoric poisons our children. He needs to be stopped.



Bill O’Reilly is a lefty communist who should fucking move back to Russia already.



Glenn Beck is a typical bleeding heart douchebag. Actually should CNN Headline News count as media? That’s a tough one.



Neal Boortz is all class, if class is defined as “liberal-homo-pro-terror-shit-fuck”



I’m pretty sure Sean Hannity takes it from behind and wants to marry his co-host. Thankfully Alan Colmes is a right thinking American, who just happens to look like a breathing corpse.



Tucker Carlson, typical pompous, over-educated, Hollywood-catering, anti-American liberal. But the bow tie is so darling.

Iran Gets Snarky

Watch out Gawker, there's a new boy on the blogging block and like bad boy pioneer Mel Gibson, he's not afraid to spew a little anti-Semitism. That's right Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has a blog. His feature “Ahadinejad Stalker” is hilarious as posters leak the whereabouts of infidels and citizens still loyal to the Shah to the secret police.


Thanks to The Rachel Maddow Show for pointing this out to me.

*Update* DON'T click on the Amadinejad link at work, it directs you to a gang bang porn site. Just kidding, but it doesn't seem to be working...

*Update 2* The link now seems to be working if you go to the Rachel Maddow site, he has an RSS feed. I'll be dropping that baby into Bloglines.

Who Knew Bill O'Reilly and Fox News Loved Joe Lieberman So Much

Is it worth rebutting Bill O'Reilly's Talking Points? Probably not, but he's just such a mindfucker that sometimes you just need to get put your thoughts into words...even if no one reads them. Fox News squeezed a tear out today. Their champion and hero lost his primary, Senator Joe Lieberman. Excuse me? Since when has Fox News shed positive light on a member of the Democratic Party? Apparently, a popular election isn't good enough for the Fox propaganda machine.

Joe Lieberman voted for the Iraq war, a war that America was conned into, a war that angers most Americans, a war that was unnecessary, a war that tarnished the reputation of a great American patriot, Colin Powell, a war that, well you know, you don't need to hear it from me.

Regardless, Lieberman lost a primary and a referendum on the Iraq War. Is that so wrong? Is this not a democracy? Not to the folks at Fox News. To them it wasn't a state and a populace voicing their opinion, to Fox it's a chance to bash popular opinion. O'Reilly "quotes" The Daily Kos as being anti-Semitic, because some ignorant commenter, not a contributor made a stupid remark. If there's anything we know here in the blogosphere it's that "global village idiots" run amok. O'Reilly uses far left blogs as reliable sources of information. Manipulating blogs and bloggers most people dismiss as hate mongers and nuisances, in order to sway his moldable audience of narrow-minded sheep.

(More ranting: If the left had to regulate every comment from every asshole on the web, it would take sometime. And I'm sure that no Republican site have every uttered a racists word. And I'm sure that the web is free of right-wingers that say controversial and offensive things. I'm sure if you googled "white+supremisist+blog" nothing will show up. Hell check out the user comments on Hot Air, Michelle Malkin's righty Rocketboom wanabe comedic vlog vechicle. Or her sponsor Those Shirts that produce T-Shirts make light of the civil rights movement.)

When Bush wins under dubious circumstances, to Fox News, it democracy in motion, but when Connecticut stands up and mobilizes for a candidate who opposes the war, Fox battens down the hatches and attacks, attacks, attacks. What they're trying to do is obvious to anyone with an opposable thumb, they're trying to split the Democratic vote. They trying to elect a Republican. It's despicable, sad, and reminds me of Soviet and Maoist propaganda.

O'Reilly is a genius at pushing buttons and he treats these far left blogs like they're hard news, but to suggest that they are taking over America is Wrong. Americans know the war was/is a mistake and now it's Accountability Time. Stand up and take it like a man, Bill. Yesterday's primary was a huge victory. It's a victory that will help move this country out from under the dark clouds of the Bush White House and corrupt do nothing congress of fear inducing drones. It's Carl Rove's worst nightmare to have a candiate with the exact opposite platfor of the president winning elections, get ready for the mud to sling. I'm hopeful that one day America will realize what Fox is doing and we'll act with our ballots and prove to them that their influence is no longer wanted or needed.

It's that or an all out war against the Muslim World. Think of the rebuilding contracts after that sucker!

If Lieberman’s allows his hubris to help elect a Republican and continue the status quo into the toilette shame on him. What a way for an “elected” vice president to end his political career.

50% of Americans are Irrational, Arrogant - Study

This story popped up on the wire today. Despite a jaw-droppingly expensive $900 million investigation to the contrary, half of Americans think Iraq had WMDs. Many blame talk radio for molding this inane and incorrect opinion. Talk radio has never seen a statistic or story it couldn't distort into ratings.

No, somewhere along the line we stopped thinking for ourselves. It’s much easier to have some TV or radio personality think for you. But when you have proof and still can't admit you're wrong, well that’s just plain arrogance and pundits can’t teach that.

I blame our impotent public schools that don't encourage people to think for themselves. Of course, if teachers did teach kids to think and argue and question, they'd get the wrath of O'Reilly who loves to go after the teachers who dare to stimulate debate.

Of course, strong teachers would hurt sales of his shudder-inducing book.

But O'Reilly isn't all bad; his viewership is the problem. If Bill says black is white and up is down, then perhaps another $900 million study will return with even more perplexing results.