Friday, September 01, 2006

What Died and Landed On John Norris's Head?

I've been reading Gawkers coverage of the VMAs and haven't seen anything on MTV's John Norris.
Something has always bothered me about John Norris A.K.A. the poor man's Kurt Loder. Is it his relentless celebrity ass kissing? Or how he tries a little too hard to be cool? Maybe it's his overreaction to the most banal music news of the day? Or that somehow he still works for MTV despite never fitting in with the channel? Well, yeah, all of these things bother me I guess. But what really bothers me is the fact that he looks like the walking dead. Like a zombie, or a skeleton even.

But last night whatever that was on his head took things to a new level. That poofy, orange, Bobby Brady on crack wig(?). That clump of hair that resembles a slaughtered baby orangutan loosely attached to his scalp with theatrical glue. What was that thing? If that's a wig (it’s just got to be something like that, it’s not natural) his friends need to tell him to stop. If not I will.

Dear John,

John, stop. Just stop! Go bald, John. You’ve never been a looker. You’ve never been hip. MTV apparently doesn’t care about this. Go bald, John. You're 46 years-old, it's okay, just go bald. Anything is better than this.

Best,
Rick

1 comment:

Creamer said...

He's doing election coverage on cnn right now and his hair is truly hideous. I told my son to look away.