Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Boring Columnist Lectures Commuters

Thanks to Open Eyed Sneeze for the kind comments on my last post. I was thinking about that beer pong post before I went to bed last night, wondering how most people who read it probably think I’m a recent college grad killing time before I start my real job, sewing my royal oats if you will. No, that’s not the case. I’m 28, have a job, an apartment, a wife even. Is it sad that I’ll still play a game of beer pong on special occasions? Definitely not.

Then I read today’s Metro and it made me reassess my life choices, mainly drinking alcohol. Then after about 2 seconds of assessment I said, "screw it, why stop now." I’m glad the author is so comfortable in her own skin, I just hope she doesn’t push for prohibition because these days all it takes is one whiney bitch to ruin it for the rest of us (i.e. Bloomberg, Smoking).

For example, the Milwaukee Brewers mascot, Bernie the Brewer, can’t even slide into a beer mug after a Brewers’ home run. Check the before and after photos on the left and note the lack of a beer mug in the second photo. They’re the fucking Brewers for Christsake!

This overly sensitive bullshit is slowly strangling the joy out of living in this county. Maybe Felice Cohen would be happy if we were all lobotomized walking corpses smiling our way through our insignificant lives. Maybe I would like to have a beer. I'm sick of everyone sanitizing every-tiny-little-thing-we-do-so-we-don't-hurt-any-ones-feelings-and-won't-someone-please-think-of-the-children-I-don't-like-it-so-you-shouldn't-be-allowed-to-do-it-either thing out there. I didn't move to the suburbs for a reason. It's nonsense. Idiocy. Totalitarian.

And not to nitpick, but there aren’t any doctors, drunk or sober, to find a cure for Parkinson’s. That's just a stupid comparison.

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