I've been down on TV and my participation in that industry of late so it was fitting that The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy's song "Television, The Drug of a Nation" played on the radio tonight. I thought I'd share it with you in case you're not familiar with the track, and thanks to the Youtube it's easier than ever. So, without further ado, please enjoy the Chuck D and Guru-esque stylings of Michael Franti and The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy.
Rick and I went out last night, had a few beers at the local, as we try to do every week. We often talk about things of mutual interest. We discuss movies/music/books, reminisce about when we were younger, discuss the future and recount current events. One such event talked about was the shooting/killing of Sean Bell, the 23 year old groom to be who was gunned down by police this weekend. No one really knows the story at this point, how/why it happened. Still, it just seems as if a guy out for his bachelor party got wasted , got in a car, someone drove in the wrong direction, striking an undercover (unmarked) police vehicle, which set off a barrage of gunfire that left a 23 year old dead on the day of his wedding.
Now, this is fucked up for many reasons. Aside from the obvious police shooting to death an unarmed man, there are other questions. Such as, why did one officer fire 31 of those shots, reloading his gun twice? A fact such as this begs the question of is the average NYPD officer (and in this case, 12 year veteran) that poorly trained that they must fire that many rounds at close range to ensure they hit someone? Shouldn’t the policy be to disable a suspect so that they may be brought into custody and then tried with a crime if necessary? Isn’t a tenet of our legal system “innocent until proven guilty? Since when is it shoot to kill?
It's reminiscent of the movie Judge Dread in which cops were judge/jury/executioner. That movie sucked ass and so does the state of things. The sad reality is its always been that way. It was that way with Amadou Diallo and its been that way with many others. I don’t know what's more troubling, the fact that those who are supposed to protect and serve kill those the very citizens they swear to protect or the fact that there doesn’t seem to be repercussions when they do such things.
Tonight on my walk home I witnessed four officers questioning one black man who was pulled over while driving. I don’t know why he was pulled over, but as he was retrieving his license/registration/whatever all of them had their hands on their pistols. It was almost as if they were looking for a reason to draw their guns and fire. You hear about cop cars being called a “black and white”, but that shouldn’t necessitate the way police conduct themselves.
If you’ve noticed that my Sitemeter hit counter has been staying at a steady 15 visits or so per day, and if you’re like me you have, then you only have one person to thank, my good friend Jessica Simpson.
Apparently, I’m not the only one enamored with this talented vixen of stage and screen. I’ve had more hits due to my Bad Ads post a few weeks back when I made fun of the hilariously terrible Direct TV commercial featuring the former Mrs. Lachey. The Google web searches can barely keep up with the demand, and I’m proud to say Kneecapped is ranking high on the searches for “Jessica Simpson Direct TV” and “Jessica Simpson Direct TV Accent” and other similar searches.
So a humble thank you to the actress that made playing a dumb hick bimbo look hard, Jessica Simpson. For those of you who missed it, here the commercial once again. And to Pokerfoos, I’d still hit that as well.
Our Fresh Direct order came in last night and one box was surprisingly light. Let's see what was in it: 
One box of tea. A box of tea in another box 10 times its size. Nothing else. That seems worth it. The box is recyclable, but really, let's be reasonable here. It’s like the great Mitch Hedberg joke about people who hand out pamphlets on the street, “here you throw this out.”
At least my tea was delivered safe and sound. Wouldn't want that box of dried, crushed leaves getting damaged.
Does anyone know? Because details are a little fuzzy. I know I had fun, but to what extent I have know idea.
This headline caught my eye today as I was perusing ESPN.com. Yes that's correct, ESPN was cleverly referencing the Raven Simone show, That's So Raven. Never heard of That’s So Raven? It’s the show that's currently making a mockery out of the once great viewing experience that was Saturday morning television. Let's just say that Raven is a high schooler with the ability to see into the future. Bad show. But, That's So Raven is owned by Disney, so it's a natural synergy for ESPN also owned by Disney. Hooray for synergy!
Let's forget for a minute that I know what show ESPN is talking about (and please let’s forget it, like right now) but does the average sports fan and ESPN.com visitor know of That's So Raven? I tend to doubt it.
Yes I’ve seen the show and it's embarrassing, but when 
I'm hung-over in our bedroom without cable TV I've been reduced to watching TSR. I must say, it's great for when I'm trying to induce vomiting.
I saw Fred Wilson speak tonight at a New York Magazine "Master Class" event. I had never even heard of Fred Wilson before, which considering that he is a major player in website venture capitalism, and a popular blogger, goes to show you my naiveté in these matters, but I digress.
Fred gave a great interview. He was clear, insightful, and he was able to relay his message to a wide range of audience members with varying degrees of background knowledge. If I understood what he was talking about, surely everyone else did. It's no surprise he recently sold his home for a ridiculous sum of money, he’s a bright fellow.
I'd recommend hearing him speak if you get the chance, or just check out his blog like I will be doing from now on. The interview will also be available on Columbia Business School's website in the near future.
We live in a great country with an amazing legal system. Our founding beliefs that everyone is created equal goes hand in hand with a legal system that grants you the right to a fair trial in front of a jury of your peers. Jurors are a cross section of our nation’s economic, ethnic, and religious groups. Each juror’s opinion matters and has influence on the system. When you finish a case the judge thanks you for performing your civic duty, and you go home fulfilled. No juror is more important than the next.
Ha ha, fooled you! If that were at all true then we wouldn't have JURY APPRECIATION DAY!!! (page 4) What is this disgusting display of glad-handing and celebrity worship known as Jury Appreciation Day you ask? It’s the Justice Department's turn to hang with celebs and bask in their glow. It's the Justice Department's chance to give praise to the celebrities that didn’t use their P.R. rep or lawyers to get them out of jury duty that year. And it’s the Justice Department's opportunity to finally give these celebs the proper "thank you" they deserve for giving their valuable and famous time to the belittling, un-hip, and peasant-like service of jury duty.
Fuck you all.
Maybe they should have Bailiff Appreciation Day? For the brave bailiff who held off the prisoner despite being stabbed and injuring his knee but did not surrender his gun.The commercial that is currently living in my nightmares is the Direct TV/Daisy Duke ad that runs, oh, just about every five minutes on any given station at any given time. Jessica Simpson is such a bad actress she can’t even speak with a decent Southern accent despite the fact that she’s from the South and has a Southern accent. She's so bad she acts her way out of her accent. This commercial makes me want to pour lye on my hand Taylor Durden style.
Last night, while sprinting down the Bergen St. subway platform to catch the little G train that stops in the middle of the platform, far away from the entrances, my wife made a funny comparison. The G train is like the short bus.
I have to agree. The G is smaller than normal trains, it doesn’t go into Manhattan (mainstream school?), and acts as an auxiliary train service.
The short bus stops in many different and spread out school districts, picking up students and bringing them to a central (special?) school. The G train rides through Brooklyn and Queens wrangling up hipsters to bring to Williamsburg or yuppies to drop off in Cobble Hill.
The G is also an object of scorn and mockery. When people hear you live on the G train their eyes become glassy. Their expression grows into one of confusion and pity.
So here’s to you G train, don’t let anyone tell you you’re different.
Microfracture surgery, what is it and why would athletes have the surgery if there's a large possibility they will never fully recover from it? These questions and Ion’s Take on today’s Kneecapped
Basically, microfracture surgery is glorified butchery. The surgery attempts to stimulate growth of new cartilage by puncturing the surrounding bone with an awl or “ice pick-like device.” That sounds terrific; sign me up for that shit! The body then heals the wounds, and ideally makes it stronger. There’s also some mumbo jumbo about stem cells, but stem cells, even ones your body produces naturally are evil, or so my preacher tells me, so I ignored it.
The success rate isn’t great for microfracture surgery and this surprises me somewhat because it sounds similar to how they fixed my spontaneous pneumothorax, collapsed lung to the layfolk. My lung collapsed when I was 17 or so, for no real reason other than being tall, thin, and male, seriously, this happens to tall and thin people, don't ask. I went into the hospital, had a chest tube rammed into my ribcage to allow my lung to inflate and heal itself. But a week later it relapsed in the Cleveland Circle movie theater while I was watching the dramatic styling’s of David Caruso in Kiss of Death.
The second time, they rammed a chest tube into me and performed surgery. The doctor rubbed the inside of my chest wall making it all bloody and raw so when my lung inflated it would attach all the bloody bits and heal and clot and intermix with it, forming a bond that would last a lifetime. So far so good.
Not so for the microfracture surgery. It now can add another athlete to its hit list.
*Microfracture facts were found in Wikipedia and therefore should be taken with a grain of salt.
I was as shocked as anyone when the sports media overreacted to the latest Bobby Knight controversy. The sports media is always rational and reasoned. No, actually there are few groups as self important in this day and age as the sports media. Add the fact that their ugly mugs are posted all over television and now they aren't just full of themselves, but they’re also famous. It is the age of "Media as Celebrity" and it’s enough to make you grow a cheesy Jim Rome goatee and shoot yourself in the face.
After listening to Mike & Mike spar verbal diarrhea, about Bobby Knight, in between stutters and their typical ass kissing, I pretty much had it. I now officially hate sports. The media, with a few exceptions, have driven all the fun out of following it, and I fucking hate them for it. Check out ESPN today, a whole fucking section of a non-incident, and an important “Day later” video.
It’s hard to quit smoking, even with all the warnings that it will kill you. What keeps people from quitting? Here are the main reasons:
1) Just don’t give a shit
2) Think you’ll beat cancer
3) I’ll do it tomorrow
4) “I like it”
5) Haven’t smoked for that long
6) Addicted
Did I miss any?
As all of you know, the Red Sox bid $51.1 million for the right to negotiate with Japanese star pitcher, Daisuke Matsuzaka. Shockingly, a measly bid like that won the prize. Now they deal with Scott Boras, the mastermind behind A-Rod's now infamous contract. Let’s just say the Sox shouldn't close the coffers just yet.
Top notch pitchers are getting $15 million per year contracts these days, so figure Boras to really put the screws to the Sox who are already in for 51 million smackeroos. Say Matsuzaka wins a 5 year 77.5 million dollar contract ($15.5 per season) and add that sum to the $51.1 million already paid and the deal averages out to $25.72 million, more than the A-Rod deal. All this for a pitcher who only throws every five days, not a shortstop who will break the career homerun record. 
The fact that it’s the Red Sox, as a fan, I have to say this doesn't have a great chance of ending well. The best case scenario is they win another World Series or two. Great, I’m all for that, and the excitement level of having a pitcher of this magnitude will be fun. Plus, you have to love the Sox spending some dough, finally. But the worst case scenarios and the ifs out weigh everything else. Injury, overrated, disappointment, can’t pitch on the big stage, home sick, he sucks, all these things will kill the Red Sox down the road.
I can’t complain too much, I’m not a Royals, Pirates, or Tampa Bay fan thank God. The Sox are going after the best pitcher on the market, so I can’t bitch too much about it, and hey, it’s not my money anyway, but spending that kind of money to talk is borderline stupid.
On a recent (November 3rd) Neil Cavuto "Deep Thought" or "Daily Affirmation" or some commentary bullshit that he does, Neil talks about the soft side of Vice President, patriot, and hero, yes hero, Dick Cheney. Cavuto compares him to everyone's favorite decathlete and Disney funny man, Goofy.
The video isn't on the Youtube (and I'm linking Youtube because it hasn't gotten the publicity it deserves) so you have to find it on the Fox News site. When there, click on the latest Neil Cavuto video, and then look for the November 3rd post.
If you don't want to watch the video because, say, you're afraid of Neil Cavuto's giant head, then you can read the transcript here, but you should really check out the video to get the full effect of his kissassery.
Note 1: I found the transcript webpage and additional commentary at News Hounds.
Note 2: Check the sweet-ass photo doctoring. You'd be surprised if I told you, and I don't want to brag, but I'm a total novice at Photoshop, so it appears that I'm a natural. In fact, I didn't even do this in Photoshop. Nope, that beautiful (and clever) masterwork was achieved in Microsoft Picture It!
I’ve seen the Hummer commercial below on TV for a while now, but only really paid attention to it yesterday, because, well, fuck commercials. Although the ad's message of, “we’re all doomed so why not just buy what makes you happy?” is a little misguided, the clever nod to the gas guzzling SUV’s role in global warming issues is funny. The way the ad plays to the fatalistic Evangelical mindset of Armageddon is a master stroke. Most importantly, I respect Hummer’s honesty, even though their autos are a prime example of American hubris, at least they’re not pretending to be something their not.
It's been a little while since Freud Communications visited my site so I thought it time for another Code.TV/LX.TV post. The video below follows in the "Models and Bottles" tradition of the now infamous A.J. video and is titled "Beautiful Babies". It's now clear that Code.TV and Freud don't care about bad publicity or embarrassing videos. They're embracing their shallowness and nurturing the unintentional comedy goldmine that is "putting a camera on a nightlife fixture and letting the duchetricity shock and awe you." Now, without further ado, a club owner who's about as smooth as a five year-old skateboarding down a gravel road.
Here's a new LowerMyBills.com tattoo advertisement. Here's an old one. Call me old fashioned, but I just don't get it.
Do rolling suitcases bother you as much as they bother me? People just don't know how to steer those fuckers and whenever I'm near a person strolling one I fear my legs are going to be taken out from under me after a sharp turn made by the oblivious pedestrian. They make me uneasy and that pisses me off.
Well, there's something worse than rolling suitcases, rolling backpacks. Suitcases are heavy and I understand the need for wheels, but backpacks? Give me a friggin’ break. That's why this morning I smiled while walking to work towards Penn Station when a man huffed, puffed, and stormed around a woman with a rolling backpack and yelled at her, "it's a fricken napsack!" and stormed off.
I love the smell of anger in the morning, especially warranted anger. Here's an idea, those straps on your backpack, put your weak and atrophied arms through them and rest the straps on your scrawny shoulders and, gasp, carry your backpack.
Why are big trucks not equipped with directional signals to let lesser cars know when they will change lanes? Why do big trucks tailgate you when you are already going 90 miles an hour? If they’re in such a big hurry , why aren’t they sports cars? Do drivers of big trucks realize that although they may drive a big truck to enhance their stature, they actually look much smaller behind the wheel of a big truck? Why are advertisements for big trucks so similar, regardless of the manufacturer? Instead of the ads showing big trucks driving to construction sites or herding cattle, why don’t they emphasize how easily the doors of big trucks can dent adjacent cars in parking lots or their ability to cover two lanes of traffic on most roadways? Why are big trucks so eager to demonstrate all the places they can go although they shouldn’t? Why are they the loudest vehicles out there? Why are they so brash and seemingly so eager to make a statement? Why do they consume so much fuel? Why do big trucks seem to embody the worst characteristics of our country? 
Photo by Ion.
Ion did not give me permission to use this photo, I am assuming I have it. I hope not to be sued.
Jorge Garcia of Lost was the guest host on The 9, Yahoo's blogvloghipvideothingie. This begs the question which product is washed up, Lost or The 9?
Lost is promoting its freefalling show on Yahoo's blogvlogthingie, which doesn't bode well for them. I mean this show obsessed people the last few years, me included, and now it needs The 9 to help it? Bad times for them.
The 9 on the other hand, although pointless and annoying, has some buzz and a certain hip-ness that the kids are talking about it (doesn't it?) Not to mention a host that’s packing some heat in the breastal region, and they're resorting to an actor from that sinking ship that is Lost to co-host the show! A co-host that's packing some serious fat in the torso region no less! I don't know, but that screams of desperation. I vote The 9. If you need Lost to help you out, you’re barking up the wrong tree because Lost is D-U-N.
Actually Bill, you're wrong. We liked our choices just fine, just not the ones you did. Nice ploy to try and keep people home though. You sure are a crafty bastard, I'll give you that.
Freud Communications, the public relations firm that handles entertainment and media brands such as Elle Magazine, A & E Television, and Sony Pictures has been checking out my blog. With the raging success of Kneecapped I’ve been seeking representation, and Freud certainly fits the high profile I deserve and require. Plus they’re fans, yesterday they visited my site for 12 minutes. Well I thought they were fans until I found out whom else they work for.
Freud represents a certain "Privileged Lifestyle" internet channel, the former Code.TV, who changed its name last week partly because of me, although it probably had a lot more to do with the outcry of blogs that are read by more than 7 people per day. The point is, Freud is searching the blogosphere for negative feedback on LX.TV, the new name for Code.
LX is “Life/Style Television” because, well, we need more lifestyle information, what with only dozens of channels and magazines covering lifestyle it’s a wonder that people can even dress themselves in the morning. So here's your chance if you want to be read by a public relations giant, say something bad about LX.TV. For example, LX.TV is like Current TV if Current TV had been founded by a character in a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Shallow doesn't begin to describe it.
I was out last week so sorry for the lack of posts. I was at my parent’s house and it was just too painful to use their dial-up internet connection so I decided to screw it. It’s good to see that while I was away you've moved on to other things. According to sitemeter my readership shrunk from an average of 23 hits per day to 7 hits per day. The DLA hasn't even visited my site since Friday, and when the good folks at the DLA stop reading you know you're fucked. You did what you had to do, I understand, and I'm not angry, but this behavior stops now! I'm back, bad, and I'm waiting for you to return with open arms.
