World To End In 8 - 9 Months

It’s not rare to have religious nuts preach to you on the subway, but the man who was harassing us on the bus this morning was a different kind of creature. He had the look of an ex-con who learned his warped evangelicalism in Sing Sing, and his nervous tick said, “I’ll stab everybody in here.”

After sarcastically greeting a Hasidic man with a booming, “Shalom!” he then began his anti-Semitic sermon to his captive parish. He claimed the temple of Israel divided when they didn’t embrace their true ruler, directly asking the Hasidic man if he knew this. This question was met with the man and several others moving away.

He slurred that in his studies he found that humans have been worshipping “female ‘dentities’ like Isis” for centuries and that the anti-Christ would also be a woman. If you want to take bets whether or not he’s right you’re in luck because apparently the anti-Christ has already been conceived by the world, and during the next eight to nine months of the gestation period bad things will happen. If you can find the time to repent during that time frame, Crazy-Ex-Con-Preacher Man suggests you do so.

And with news this morning of Kate Moss being impregnated by Pete Doherty maybe it is time to sneak a few Hail Mary’s into your routine. Don’t say I never did anything for you.